What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
