he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
