I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
