I'm going to jail i love you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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