it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
