i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
