my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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