yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
