i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
