Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
