I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
