I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
