listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
