Already got asked if we're dating
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize