youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize