somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
