She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
