someone get that fucking seahorse.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
