It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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