i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
