I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
