Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
