don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
