I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
