Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
