No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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