Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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