thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
