also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
