foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize