Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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