HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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