You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
