I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
