Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
