i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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