Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
