the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
