it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
