I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
