my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
