thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
