She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
