I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
