I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
