I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
