What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
