i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize