i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
