Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize