why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
