Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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