I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
