I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
