she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize