Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
