she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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