I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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