I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
