last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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