theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize