jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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