saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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