Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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