I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
