vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
