Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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