do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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