1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
don't judge my taste in strippers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
