I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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