I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
