Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
