I accidentally burped into my bong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
