He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
