in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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