no, he came in my armpit
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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