He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
