Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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