You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
