Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
