Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
