he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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