fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
