Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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