high people should be assigned attendants
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
