woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
