So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
