Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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