You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
