I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize