I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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