This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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