He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
