He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
