also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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