did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
