Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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