I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
