It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
