I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
wow bdsm is so cute
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