I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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