we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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