My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
