a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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