i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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